*In deep mourning...

The title defines it all. I'm still sad about what happened.

The other day I was heartbroken when the one person I regarded as my closest friend showed her true colors, the kind of color one will never put as his/her favorite in slum books. Meaning it's something unacceptable; something pointing towards the darker side. I didn't realize how mean her text message was until I reread it many times. Why? Because she was the last person outside my family I would expect to mean harm and rudeness to me. Why? Because she was already part of my family. Why? Because that's how deeply I cared for and loved her; same as my own family, already a sister to me. I can answer a lot of WHYs about my friend, but the one WHY I can't answer is "Why she's done it to me?"

No matter how I racked my brain looking for grave reasons for her to just throw away our friendship like that, I can't find one. Some loved ones and other friends offered a ton of logical reasons what turned her foul on me. I listened, considered. But in my heart of hearts, I can't accept them, not yet. Just like a terminally-ill patient hearing for the first time the bad news, I was in denial. It's not happening! Not to us. That's what my mind kept on repeating, trying to shun away the bad feeling.

Now I am progressing, that's how I'd like to think. After the denial, came the acceptance; and then I started to mourn. I'm mourning for the death of an almost 10-year old friendship I nurtured and loved so well that I felt a part of me died with it. Farewell to you my friend...lalalala lala...(sigh, and another sigh).