Nanayhood: Above and Beyond

September 11, 1999 - Nope, I don't mean the World Trade Center's fall...

It's already past midnight yet I'm still wide awake, pacing back and forth my room in a rented house which I'm sharing with my siblings and three other friends who also go to school in Iloilo City. We, sibs, Mama and I, decided to just rent a whole house and have the other rooms rented to pay off the total rent of P3,O00. It's a good deal for us since I got a whole room to myself. I need a whole room since I am pregnant and about to have my baby...soon.

So, still pacing back and forth, and around my tiny room, I'm feeling so hyperactive and there's this funny sensation inside my tummy. Thinking it's just starvation (I didn't have dinner the night before since my sis and me had a fight over some trivial matters, talking about sibling rivalry) I took out some biscuits and milk to quench it. But after a half an hour, the "tummy sensation" is still there, and so I tried excreting it with my might in the rest room to ease it out, but to no avail. It's not going away. It keeps coming back, in patterns. At first, 30-minutes, then 15 minutes, then shorter and shorter. After exhausting my brain of what causes the sensation in my tummy, I looked in the mirror and bam! I saw myself and just realized something: I'm pregnant! I should have been feeling panicky already and counting the intervals of contractions! Yes, they were contractions after all, not just a funny tummy sensation. Duh. Well, who can blame me, I'm just 20 years old and with no other adult around me during this time of my life, what do you expect me to do?

With one big stride, I reached for my closet and took out a big bag which should contain what the doctor told me to bring during delivery : baby stuff, OR gloves, anesthesia, syringes, diapers, and my personal stuff. I need to hurry to the hospital since the contraction interval is already very short, 10, 8 or 5 minutes. I don't know anymore! At almost 2 a.m., I rushed to the lying-in clinic on a cab which I hailed myself under the September drizzles of early morn. The cab driver is a bit nervous, I sensed since I told him he needs to drive a bit fast because I'm about to give birth. I didn't wake up my sister anymore, practically, because we fought the day before and also make a point that I can do it even without anyone's help. Stubborn, eh?

To make the story short, I waited for almost 8 hours for the baby to come out. I had a hard time during labor since it was my first delivery and the baby's head was kinda big for my pelvis. The doctor even said she might opt for a Caesarian section to eliminate some health risks on me or the baby. But, with a determined heart and a shallow pocket (I had no money then to pay for the C-section), I insisted to pursue normal delivery. In God's grace and some help from nice midwives-on-training, the normal delivery was made possible. Let's not discredit the skills and experience of my attending doctor then, opposite her petite build :-) The pain was unbearable, the process was excruciating and long, almost endless, but in one fluid motion, the baby slid off from my body into the hands of the doctor after many "deep breaths" and "push" coaxings. The baby was covered in blood, still attached to me through the umbilical cord. I can't remember now if the doctor tapped the baby's butt or not so that it cried. All I know is that the pain I felt moments ago was like a distant memory already when I heard the baby cried.

A few days before I turned 21, I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy against all odds, if I may add. This is maybe the understatement of the day after all. I will try to elaborate next time. But right there, my childhood ended and motherhood took over. I have to think and act not just for myself but for the two of us already, and to a greater extent, put the baby's welfare above mine. And I told myself, my child will call me Nanay, a sweet, sweet name any woman would die to hear for herself.